Helping Children with Grief
Despite our desire to shelter and protect them, our children are very likely to experience the heartbreak of loss and the resulting grief. It may be the death of a grandparent, moving away from friends, a pandemic, their parents’ divorce, the death of a pet or any of the other many losses we experience in life.
It’s important to provide children with the tools to acknowledge and process grief early in their lives. Then, as adults, they are better prepared and more resilient when they encounter what may be more profound and deeper losses.
Here are a few tips that may help your child with grief:
Don’t lie. Saying grandma is sleeping instead of explaining death, can be detrimental. Imagine the panic and fear they may experience at bedtime! Instead, have an honest conversation with them based on your values and spiritual beliefs to help them process death and grief as natural occurrences in life.
Be an example. If you share honestly about your own grief and how you’re feeling, it will be easier for them to do the same.
Be patient. Don’t force them to talk before they’re ready. And especially don’t keep asking what’s wrong – they’ll just say ‘nothing’. Give your children the time and space to share their true feelings as they’re ready.
Don’t try to fix them. Help them to understand that grief is a perfectly normal reaction to a broken heart.
One size doesn’t fit all. We are all unique and grief looks different in each of us. Siblings may react very differently to the same loss. Be prepared to handle them individually.
Don’t try to replace the loss. Often when a friend moves away or a pet dies, parents immediate ‘go to’ is to find a replacement for their child. Instead, give them time to grieve the loss and when they’re ready, support them in developing new friendships or finding a new pet.