Understanding and Coping with Intangible Grief
Can you feel grief if no one dies?
Not all losses are concrete like death, and divorce. We also experience losses that are considered intangible but cause emotional pain and grief. We call them “Intangible losses”.
Intangible losses include but are not limited to a loss of:
· Trust
· Safety
· Security
· Control
· Fertility
· Health
· Faith
· Career
· Hopes, dreams, and expectations
Feeling the intangible loss of trust, safety, control and security can result from tragedies like war, 9/11, natural disasters, mistrust in government, financial changes, and pandemics.
Other examples of intangible losses include:
· A woman who always dreamt of having children one day finds out she is infertile. In an instant her hopes, dreams, and expectations of giving birth are crushed. Even though she never lost a physical child, her heart is broken and she’s in emotional pain.
· A man who never knew his father may spend his life wondering what his father was like, what it would have been like to have a relationship with him, and if he did something that caused his father to leave. No matter what the details of the situation, he too is left with unresolved emotional pain.
· The person who suffered from mental, physical, or sexual abuse or assault may no longer feel safe or secure in this world.
Sometimes intangible losses can be the result of our own decisions. For example, there are some of us who, despite plans of having a family, make the decision to instead focus on our professional life. One day we look back and yearn for the family we sacrificed in pursuit our career. This is also an intangible loss.
If you’ve experienced any of these losses, then you know they can be heart breaking.
Even though society doesn't often connect these painful losses with grief, please know your feelings are completely normal and there is nothing wrong with you. Your grief is real and deserves the same acknowledgment and care as death and divorce.
Although these aren’t talked about often, they need to be addressed rather than be stuffed away in silence. Keeping the pain inside limits the quality of your life and capacity for happiness. Please ask for help if you are struggling.
From my heart to yours,
Monet