When It’s Hard to Be Thankful
With the upcoming holiday, many of us reflect on the things we might be thankful for. But what do you do when it’s just hard to be thankful?
In this age of toxic positivity, everywhere we turn there’s talk of ‘pushing past’ the negative in their lives, choosing to embrace the positive instead. Don’t get me wrong, I am acutely aware of the need to acknowledge the things we’re thankful for AND I am just as aware of what happens when we neglect to acknowledge the negative.
I’m not suggesting we wallow in negativity, but I am suggesting we spend time acknowledging the truth of how we feel, letting the emotions rise up and dealing with them as opposed to suppressing them. As a society, we’re adept at embracing positive emotions, but are typically encouraged to ‘get over’, ‘move on’, and gloss over the emotions with distractions of busyness and replacement.
How many times have you experienced the loss of a loved one, loss of a job, loss of a relationship – and been comforted by those that love you with advice to find things to stay busy and occupy your mind but seem uncomfortable with the truth of how you’re feeling? They don’t mean any harm, after all they love you. Unfortunately, there are consequences for those of us who follow the advice at the expense of the natural processing of our grief.
When we opt to move past our negative emotions without addressing them, they resurface at a later time – usually in very inconvenient and unexpected ways. Have you ever ‘moved on’ to a new relationship and been triggered by a seemingly innocent action from your new partner? Even worse, do you find yourself stuck and unable to move forward to even think about dating again?
What would it be like to sit with the negative emotions, at least long enough to identify them? Then to investigate how you really feel and put words to the feelings? Are you sad? Lonely? Disappointed? Feeling discarded?
By turning towards the uncomfortable emotions that arise, instead of fleeing them, we can take back the misplaced power given away by avoiding them.
I would encourage you to allow yourself to feel whatever comes up for you during those tough times and intentionally acknowledge each emotion. Here are three things you can try to exercise this muscle:
1. Journal about the feelings as they arise
2. Talk it out with a therapist, trusted friend or relative
3. Find a creative outlet to express the emotions like drawing, poetry, whatever comes naturally to you
Giving voice to these emotions allows us to start releasing them and making way for healing.
Monet Cole