The Love Changes

I’ve heard grief described as all the love we have bottled up inside unable to express to our loved one who’s died.  This resonated so deeply when I first heard it.  I actually felt like I could bust sometimes with all the love I still felt for my boyfriend but didn’t know what to do with it. 

At the time, all I seemed able to do was write about it.  That provided some relief, but it fell so short of what I was used to.  Hugs, kisses, holding hands, exchanged smiles, laughter, hourlong conversations… there were so many ways for me to express all the love I held for him while he was alive.

It’s just been a year, but I’ve been able to find other ways to express my love.  The love has also changed a bit.  It doesn’t feel like the deep, passionate love I once held.  While it still runs deep, it’s not on fire like before.  It feels more like an eternal flame – warm and steady. 

I’m now able to express this new form of my love in morning greetings, sweet memory moments, a quick kiss of his picture, a journal entry, sharing stories with my friends and family. 

The consolation in all of this is that the love may change but it never dies.  It lives on in us.  They live on in us.  The relationship just evolves into a quieter co-existence and a peaceful extension of us and this forever love. 

From my heart to yours,

Monet Cole